Not to be competitive, but...I bet I can answer "yes" to more of these questions than you can! 

Do you think that other people are more competent in public than you?

Do you fear:
Embarrassing yourself in front of others?
Being assertive?
Being with anyone other than those closest to you?
Travelling far from home?

Have you ever turned down a job promotion because you can't give public presentations?
During a stressful encounter, do you experience rapid heart-beat, stomach pains, or a sensation of confusion or “mind going blank”?
After public encounters, do you tend to feel you performed unsatisfactorily?
Are you aware these fears are irrational?

Congratulations! If you can answer a bunch of these questions, you might have Social Phobia too! Also known as Social Anxiety Disorder, it's the third most common psychiatric disorder after depression and alcohol dependence. We need a meeting hall the size of Shea Stadium. We can all get together and...be nervous about talking to each other!

This came to my attention last week when, a friend of mine who's on the Malibu City Council, asked me if I would go with her to interview legendary record exec Lou Adler and his son, Cisco "I just broke up with Misha Barton" Adler. Let's be honest-this is a gig I can do with my eyes shut. Lou Adler: The Mamas and The Papas, Carol King, directed Up in Smoke and produced the Monterey Pop music festival. Done. Got it.

Interview went fine, even if my friend ducked out at the last minute leaving me holding the mic on my own, but whatever. No problema, I had 500,000 questions. A few laughs, a few poignant moments, a few interesting facts, we finish. 

I swear, the second the camera was turned off, I started to panic. I had a bona fide anxiety attack. I began to feel like I had done terrribly, I started to feel mortified. I actually went to the length of calling the poor lighting guy who'd given me his card. I said, "I know this is so unprofessional, but did everything go OK? Do you think it went alright?" He said, "Yes, Oh my god, it was great!  You were funny, in the moment...it was everything they needed." I thanked him profusely and got off the phone, but I still felt sick. I told my husband I just can't do things where I'm not in control, ie: it's not my studio or I can't be in charge of the edit. 

When I spoke to Pamela, my friend on the city council, she was raving about the interview, and I told her I think I might have agoraphobia or something because I really had a panic attack at the end. I also noted that the aspect that most concerned me was my reaction. I suspected I probably did OK, and that my reaction was way out of control. 

I first noticed this aspect of my personality in the early 80's, after one of the MTV New Year's Eve Rock 'N Roll Balls-remember those? The show was live so I was running a tape of it at home.  When I got back to my apartment, I collapsed. I was moaning to my roommate, "I'm going to be fired I know it, I did something so bad." He asked what in the world could I have done that was so awful? Barely able to breathe, I told him that when I was sitting with Mark Goodman, Keith Richards, and the Stray Cats, I just spaced out and started talking to the Stray Cats right when Mark was talking to Keith. I didn't know what I was doing! It doesn't even seem that bad, like even if I had done that, but I was losing it. So my roommate, Adam, cued the tape up to The Spot. I'm curled up on my bed crying, "Please tell me gently what you think will happen. Please go watch and then tell me what you think. No! I can't watch!" 60 seconds later he comes in and says, quite incredulously, "It was fine, there was absolutely nothing wrong at all!" 

Back in Malibu, I google agoraphobia, but I don't fear being in situations I can't escape. That's wasn't quite right, but there was a link to "Social Phobia." When I started to read about it, I couldn't believe it, it summed me up perfectly! Wow! I was pretty stunned. I have a real thing! It actually made me feel really great to read about it. After 25 years I have an answer to why I freak out like I do! And other people have it to! That's why I did a segment about it on Martha Quinn Presents...Gods of the Big 80's. I figured there might be someone somewhere out there who'll be relieved too. 

You know what-I have to jump. Ryder keeps chanting, "Can I have my taco?" I'm blogging while my kids are starving.

xoxoxo, Martha 

Friday, May 4th, 2007: For my birthday, (forty-f-in'-eight) I decide to check out website of plumber's doc. I don't know if you happen to remember this story, but this is the plumber who's truck I'd backed into, so I'd previously axed his man off my list 'cause it seemed like I had weird karma with said plumber. But now I'm desperate, so I throw karmic caution to the wind. The website looks professional and they use a very friendly font. I like it. Hey, if you think about it, Jennifer Anniston really does look good. If, by some fluke, this is the guy who did her work, it seems like a fairly safe choice. Oh what the hell, I decide to schedule an appointment first thing Monday morning.

Monday, May 7th:  Called Doctor's office. Got appointment. 1:40pm Wednesday. I'm in a time crunch now because my 80's product employers want the photos yesterday. I tell the receptionist I need to look a little..."refreshed" for this upcoming photo shoot. I have no idea what I want, but I know I want something.  From the information on their website I throw out maybe microdermabrasion, maybe some kind of facial, maybe some type of filler...(no collagen, thank you, I'm a vegetarian)...but I think it'd be best to just talk to the doc and let him assess the situation. See what he recommends. Receptionist says no problem, she'll book a consult/procedure appointment.

Tuesday, May 8th, 10:15am: Office assistant called to confirm my appointment, asks if I have any questions or concerns. I tell her I want to turn back the hands of time a wee bit, but I'm really nervous 'cause, "I'm the last person anyone would ever think would have any work done, I'm the young hippie-type." I continue I don't want to look "done" in any way. No duck lips, nothing that would make people think to themselves, "Well, well, so Martha finally gave up the natural look bit and got some work done." The gal was incredibly reassuring,  bending over backwards to communicate to me that  no one ever leaves their office looking "done".  She swore they totally understand the natural look. I do feel better, but I can't believe I'm propelling myself down this road. This is so not me. I can always back out of the appointment, or go and just hear what the guy has to say, and just walk out! Nothing's written in stone here, no need to panic. If I do anything, I think I'll just get some kind of facial. My husband's saying, "Make sure they don't make you a Stepford Wife." Oh gee thanks for the reminder. I'll see how I feel in the morning, maybe I'll cancel.

All for now, more to come in the my journey to the fountain of youth. Dr. Ponce De Leon to the rescue!

xoxoxo,  Martha

It's 4am and I'm trying to mediate the dispute between Team "Oh go ahead" and Team "Are you crazy?" I channel David Lee Roth and he tells me, "Martha, you've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real..." Then I checked in with Mark Twain who reminded me, "When in doubt, tell the truth." Lastly, I re-read my own blog dated April 27th where I, Martha Quinn said, "making the world a better place one confession at a time!" OK Dave, I'll go ahead and jump.

My big confession is, it's no big deal really, I only sold my soul to the devil! It all started back in...

March, 2007, the flashback: For some insane reason, my plumber takes it upon himself to recommend his botox guy to me. After I get over my shock, I go ahead and take the doctor's card 'cause plumber mentioned Jennifer Anniston had been in the office.

It was oddly synchronistic 'cause for the past few months I'd been debating whether or not to... attempt to...revitalize (Oh god) my face. There, I said it! I'd  been thinking I should perhaps investigate options  to "turn back the hands of time". Aaaaaaaaaagh! But I have a pretty decent reason,  I have a photo shoot coming up!  There's a company who's asked me to be the face of their 80's product, and I don't want them to be horrified or anything, I don't want them to think they made a tragic mistake, plus I don't want them to blow their entire budget on photo re-touching! OK, It's not like I look like Grandma Moses, but I definitely have some frown lines, marionette lines, and vertical lip lines. Oh lordy,  I remember doing a Neutrogena shoot 12 years ago and I was panicking about "wrinkles" back then. Ha! That was nothing! I bet if I saw that face now I'd think I looked like a fresh-faced baby!

April 2007: I put the whole "youth pursuit" on hold. Haven't heard anything more about the photo shoot and without that motivation, I don't really have time for spa appointments or whatever. The only thing is...I took a walk on the beach with my husband and my two children, and I was saying the whole time, "This is the greatest day, I swear I've never been happier!" But when I looked at the photos my husband took of us, I looked like I was scowling the whole damn time! What the hell? Tell myself to try and stop scowling.

May 2007: My 48th birthday is approaching, the photo shoot* has resurfaced, so I poke around and ask a few people if they've had any "facial renewal" procedures. This is tricky business, lemme tell you. I was in quite a quandry as to how to bring up this subject. Most of my close friends have never gone down this road, so that puts me in the position of approaching acquaintences who appear to have knowledge in this area. In other words, they look like they've "had work!" So how do you bring this up, exactly??? For example, I ran into one friend of mine who definitely had the red, scaly, "I've just had a facial peel" look but I didn't have the nerve to ask her right then, that seemed too cruel. "Oh say, you look like you're molting like a snake over there, so...what doctor did you go to to try to get rid of your wrinkles?" Not good. I did manage to wrangle the name of a female doctor in Beverly Hills, but when I checked out her website it said her waiting room is like a Who's Who in Hollywood. I cross her right off my list 'cause I think most people in Hollywood look like "shite", as Sir Bob Geldof would say, and I absolutely don't want to run into anybody I know. 
*By the way, about the photo shoot: It's for a really cool 80's oriented product, but I don't think I should get into it until it's concrete. As soon as it looks for real I'll tell you all about it. Hey if I'm spilling the beans about this whole episode, you know I'll tell you about an 80's deal!

This is an exclusive story for my blog-readers, more to come. Love you guys, Martha