My kids are starving, "Please, Mom, can we have some breakfast?" and I'm saying, "Hold on kids, Mommy just has to update her website!"

Please, please, PLEASE, scroll down to the "Back To Reality" section of my clicks. I just posted an AMAZING video, "Faith The Wonder Dog!" Seriously, a two-legged dog. The most heartwarming, miraculous little pooch. It makes you believe that so much more is possible than what we take for granted is possible.

Regarding this week's show-check out the Led Zeppelin/Outlaws/Juice Newton set. First of all, we helped the 'Laws put the pedal to the medal. They were already at 100mph, we notched it up to 200. The fun you can have with audio these days. And when Juice Newton comes in, I swear that track sounds so powerful and delicious. Sweet.

We're also airing our own "Video Killed The Radio Star." It's a master-mix of Erasure, The Buggles, and even a little Martha Quinn there at the end. That comes after my "what's a VJ?" segment. I could not believe that teenager didn't know what a VJ was. She had no idea that there was a time when people who knew about music were on MTV all day, every day, talking about...the music. That's right kids, the M in MTV stands for MUSIC. There's a little piece of trivia that's sure to amaze your friends!

Here's my e-mail of the week: 

I'm so glad you wrote to me! I kinda cooled on the cosmetic thing 'cause
no one responded so I figured well, what the hell, I'm not so sure I
want to spill all the beans if, you know, no one gives a rat's ass!

But Monya, you have re-ignited my flame. What you said about this being
a dilemma many are struggling with is what had me fired up about sharing the
whole episode in the first place.

I will polish up my piece starting at the doctor's office and publish ASAP.

Thans for checking in, I appreciate hearing from you!

OK for sure my kids are going to be sitting in a therapist's office one day saying, "My mom wouldn't even make us breakfast, all she cared about was her website!" 

xoxoxoxo, Martha

Oh I have so many conflicting emotions, I'm completely confused...is it my imagination, or is Paris Hilton coming off pretty well? What the hell? She's acting like the incarnation of Mona Lisa! I enjoyed it when Larry went after her about the "no comment" bit, she seemed to lose some of that "I'm a serene angel", but she seems to be holding her own. I just wish he'd say, "You run several businesses? Like what?" 

I've GOT to remember to do that calm, serene, "I'm learning a lot about myself" thing next time I do an interview. 

She is seriously beautiful, though, don't you think? When they cut to Larry he looks like the distorted, projected head of The Great Oz. 

So she says she wants to be a good role model. What can I say? I have a daughter, I'd like there to be a positive, famous, female out there in the world, someone to counteract trainwrecks like Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears. So if Paris wants to set a sterling example for young girls-mazel tov. Even if she can't recite a single thing from the Bible she says she reads every day. I'm sorry! I can't help it, I'm jealous of anyone who is younger, richer, and insanely beautiful! Wow. I just learned something about myself. Call Larry King!

PLEASE e-mail me your reactions. I'm so curious to hear what you thought! 

xoxoxo, Martha 

Wild horses couldn't drag me away from watching Paris Hilton on Larry King (9pm EST, CNN) tonight. What about you? This is a huge guest for Larry, it'll be interesting to see how many viewers join in the fun. A few weeks ago, 9.4 million people tuned into Dateline to watch Princes Harry and William. 10.8 of us watched Hugh Grant on Jay Leno after he'd been arrested with a "paid female companion" in Hollywood. Back in 1995, 60 million watched the fiasco of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley on PrimeTime Live with Diane Sawyer, and in 1999, Barbara Walters was partying 'cause she pulled in 74 million viewers when she sat down with Monica Lewinsky.

It's crazy 'cause NONE of these people are relevant, the guy who drives around delivering oxygen to home-bound patients-THAT dude is relevant, but apparently we just like to put relevance aside for a while, take a little break. 

Hi Everybody!

I just turned in the 77th MARTHA QUINN PRESENTS...GODS OF THE BIG 80'S! I've been working my Malibu booty off on our little creation, I'm so happy you've been checking it out!

As wicked wierd as it may seem, I am about to post THREE, count 'em THREE, recipes on this here site. Why? Because I actually discovered THREE things that I can cook. My mother could turn a paper bag into a fricasse, but if I tried to make a fricasse, it'd wind up IN a bag. The trash bag!

The ironic thing is I know a lot about food. Off the top of my head (I swear I won't google for the next ten seconds) I can tell you that the Aztec grain Quinoa is a complete protein. I can tell you that  dairy is a very common allergen, and "whey", "casein", and "artificial butter flavor" all mean dairy. I know the iron in spinach is best absorbed when accompanied by a vitamin-C rich food. I know broccoli has lots of calcium.

What I don't know about food is... how to cook it so it tastes good! I can make lentil soup and my husband will say, "This is good! You did it! Just try to remember exactly what you did." Next time I make it? Trash. There are many nights when I slave over a meal, but wind up ordering pizza 'cause even I admit it's awful.

And cook books don't help! Even if they say "Simple!", they're written for people who have the cooking gene. I don't care if it's  "Meals in 2 Seconds!",  when I see words like "braise" or "baste", I'm the one who's basted- with hopelessness!

I want to write a cookbook called "EZ EATS and I Swear I Mean EZ!"  Or "Fer Sher EZ FOOD, DUDE!" It'd have to be vegetarian 'cause I'm of that persuasion, but I swear you won't have to draw, dress, or coddle any one or any thing. Carmelize this!

So here are the recipes for the three EZ dishes I miraculously served this week. I don't know how it happened, but it's like the tablets Moses found-I've gotta share 'em!

1. Won Good Ravioli

This is ravioli made with those Won Ton wrappers you can almost always find lurking about either near the tofu, or around the Asian food. They're basically thin pasta rectangles. Here's what you do:

ingredients:
won ton wrappers
firm tofu
Ricotta cheese
spinach (optional)
garlic salt
onion powder
1 jar pasta sauce
1 cup, glass, or bowl  water


1. Start boiling water in large pot. Add a little salt if you like.

2. Open bottle of your favorite pasta sauce. Probably want to start heating it up.

2.. Mix a bunch of ricotta chesse with some firm tofu.  Add onion powder and garlic salt to taste. I put it in my blender with a few leaves of spinach to sneak a little green in to the meal.

3. Put out a dish of cool water to use in a moment.  Spoon a little bit of your "to-cotta" into the center of the Won Ton wrapper. Fold won ton over mixture, and where the edges meet, sort of "bond" them with water.  Push the edges down with a fork. Just be careful not to poke the won ton, otherwise your carefully prepared "to-cotta" will wind up floating around your pot like sea monkies.

4. When you've made enough raviolis, check your water. If it's boiling, turn the heat way down. If the water is really bubbling it'll tear apart your carefully prepared raviolis.

5. Gently lower the raviolis into the pot.

6. After 5 minutes or so, lift your raviolis out of the water and onto each plate.

7. Spoon heated red sauce over and serve!

2. EZ Banana Bread (from vegiepregnancy.com-but don't let that bum you out-I swear it's bodacious!)

    2 cups all purpose flour (I used multi-grain pancake mix!)
    1 teaspoon baking soda
    1 teaspoon baking powder
    1/2 teaspoon salt
    4 medium ripe bananas, mashed
    1/4 cup vegetable oil or canola oil
    1/4 cup honey or maple syrup or Agave nectar
    4 oz. applesauce
    1 cup chocolate chips or walnuts (optional)
Pre heat oven to 350 degrees. Grease loaf pan or muffin tin.
Sift dry ingredients together. Mix wet ingredients together. Gently fold wet ingredients into dry ingredients until just mixed. Stir in chocolate chips or walnuts.
Bake loaf about 45 minutes, or until firm in the center and golden brown. Check muffins after 15 minutes, and keep baking until firm and golden brown. Turn both loaf pan and muffin tins 1/2 a turn 3/4 of the way through the bake time to ensure that they are evenly baked.

This was so good, the entire loaf was gone in 3 hours. No one could believe I'd actually made it!

3. Pseudo-spinach Souffle

1. Put however many eggs you want into the blender with a little frozen or fresh spinach. If you feel like it, throw a slice of onion in, too.

2. Blend a bit.

3. Put a bit of oil into a pan and heat. At this moment I have on my counter Spectrum Organic High Heat Safflower Oil.

4. When pan is heated, pour egg mixture in. Lower heat. When eggs stop looking liquidy, use a large spatula and flip. To tell you the truth, this is optional. You can also cover the pot and cook for a bit, it'll cook all the way through, but it can tend to get way brown on the bottom. I don't mind that, but if you do, do the "flipping" thing.)

5. When it's cooked to your satisfaction, put on plate, and e-mail me how it worked out!

xoxo, Martha 

I'd like to welcome my blog to the front page of my website! To celebrate, i'm putting my epic, Re-Tracing Ponce De Leon's Steps, front and center. 

May, 2007 10:35 pm
I'm sitting at my kitchen table biting my nails, staring at the computer. I've been keeping a giant diary-style blog about an experience I've been going through, but now I'm  embarrassed to hit "publish." It's like I'm standing on the edge of the high-diving board deciding whether or not to jump. It's possible it'll be thrilling, but it's also possible I'll break my neck and never walk again.
There are 2 main "pros". 1) We humans are pretty universal beings, so if it's something I'm dealing with, odds are good one of you may be wrestling the same issue, and we can brave it together.  2) This is a subject that's so personal, I'd never talk about it on my show. In fact, very few people in my life know what's going on.  But my feeling is,  I think it's pretty amazing that you took the time to come to my website, and to continue your interest by clicking on my blog, so I wanted to share a little more of my life than the songs I play on Martha Quinn Presents...Gods of The Big 80's.  I feel like Loretta Lynn (Sissy Spacek) in my favorite movie, Coal Miner's Daughter, when she's cracking up onstage and says, "Friends, and y'all are my friends..." At the risk of being corny, that' s how I feel!
The 1 big "con" is...I'm afraid you'll think less of me. This subject involves something I've always been a bit prideful of, and now that pride is crumbling and I'm trying to figure out how to proceed. Maybe I should just go ahead rectify the situation, but never admit that it needed mending, just play it off like there's never been a crack in the facade. Ay there's the rub 'cause I don't appreciate being on the other end of that sort of deceit, I wouldn't imagine you would either. But maybe you'd never find out, so why bother baring my soul?
I realize you don't know me know me, but which type of person do you see me as-what's your hunch? Am I the "reveal 'cause it's real" type, or the "when the going gets tough, lie through your teeth" type. We'll see. I'm gonna sleep on it and decide in the morning.

xoxoxo, Martha

More May: It's 4am and I'm trying to mediate the dispute between "Oh go ahead" and "Are you crazy?" I channel David Lee Roth and he tells me, "Martha, you've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real..." Then I checked in with Mark Twain who reminded me, "When in doubt, tell the truth." Lastly, I re-read my own blog dated April 27th where I, Martha Quinn said, "making the world a better place one confession at a time!" OK Dave, I'll go ahead and jump.

My big confession is, it's no big deal really, I only sold my soul to the devil! It all started back in...

March, 2007, the flashback: For some insane reason, my plumber takes it upon himself to recommend his botox guy to me. After I get over my shock, I go ahead and take the doctor's card 'cause plumber mentioned Jennifer Anniston had been in the office.

It was oddly synchronistic 'cause for the past few months I'd been debating whether or not to... attempt to...revitalize (Oh god) my face. There, I said it! I'd  been thinking I should perhaps investigate options  to "turn back the hands of time". Aaaaaaaaaagh! But I have a pretty decent reason,  I have a photo shoot coming up!  There's a company who's asked me to be the face of their 80's product, and I don't want them to be horrified or anything, I don't want them to think they made a tragic mistake, plus I don't want them to blow their entire budget on photo re-touching! OK, It's not like I look like Grandma Moses, but I definitely have some frown lines, marionette lines, and vertical lip lines. Oh lordy,  I remember doing a Neutrogena shoot 12 years ago and I was panicking about "wrinkles" back then. Ha! That was nothing! I bet if I saw that face now I'd think I looked like a fresh-faced baby!

April 2007: I put the whole "youth pursuit" on hold. Haven't heard anything more about the photo shoot and without that motivation, I don't really have time for spa appointments or whatever. The only thing is...I took a walk on the beach with my husband and my two children, and I was saying the whole time, "This is the greatest day, I swear I've never been happier!" But when I looked at the photos my husband took of us, I looked like I was scowling the whole damn time! What the hell? Tell myself to try and stop scowling.

May 2007: My 48th birthday is approaching, the photo shoot* has resurfaced, so I poke around and ask a few people if they've had any "facial renewal" procedures. This is tricky business, lemme tell you. I was in quite a quandry as to how to bring up this subject. Most of my close friends have never gone down this road, so that puts me in the position of approaching acquaintences who appear to have knowledge in this area. In other words, they look like they've "had work!" So how do you bring this up, exactly??? For example, I ran into one friend of mine who definitely had the red, scaly, "I've just had a facial peel" look but I didn't have the nerve to ask her right then, that seemed too cruel. "Oh say, you look like you're molting like a snake over there, so...what doctor did you go to to try to get rid of your wrinkles?" Not good. I did manage to wrangle the name of a female doctor in Beverly Hills, but when I checked out her website it said her waiting room is like a Who's Who in Hollywood. I cross her right off my list 'cause I think most people in Hollywood look like "shite", as Sir Bob Geldof would say, and I absolutely don't want to run into anybody I know. 
*By the way, about the photo shoot: It's for a really cool 80's oriented product, but I don't think I should get into it until it's concrete. As soon as it looks for real I'll tell you all about it. Hey if I'm spilling the beans about this whole episode, you know I'll tell you about an 80's deal!

Friday, May 4th, 2007: For my birthday, (forty-f-in'-eight) I decide to check out website of plumber's doc. I don't know if you happen to remember this story, but this is the plumber who's truck I'd backed into, so I'd previously axed his man off my list 'cause it seemed like I had weird karma with said plumber. But now I'm desperate, so I throw karmic caution to the wind. The website looks professional and they use a very friendly font. I like it. Hey, if you think about it, Jennifer Anniston really does look good. If, by some fluke, this is the guy who did her work, it seems like a fairly safe choice. Oh what the hell, I decide to schedule an appointment first thing Monday morning.

Monday, May 7th:  Called Doctor's office. Got appointment. 1:40pm Wednesday. I'm in a time crunch now because my 80's product employers want the photos yesterday. I nervously tell the receptionist I need to look a little..."refreshed" for an upcoming photo shoot. I have no idea what I want, but I know I want something.  From the information on their website I throw out maybe microdermabrasion, maybe some kind of facial, maybe some type of filler...(no collagen, thank you, I'm a vegetarian)...but I think it'd be best to just talk to the doc and let him assess the situation. See what he recommends. Receptionist says no problem, she'll book a consult/procedure appointment.

Tuesday, May 8th, 10:15am: Office assistant called to confirm my appointment, and asks if I have any questions or concerns. I explain I want to turn back the hands of time a wee bit, but I'm really skittish 'cause, "I'm the last person anyone would ever think would have any work done, I'm the young hippie-type." I stress I don't want to look "done" in any way. No duck lips, no "surprised" expression, nothing that would make people think to themselves, "Well, well, so Martha finally gave up the natural look bit and got some work done." The gal was incredibly reassuring,  bending over backwards to communicate to me that  no one ever leaves their office looking "done".  She swore they totally understand the natural look. I did feel better, but I can't believe I'm propelling myself down this road. This is so not me. I can always back out of the appointment, or go and just hear what the guy has to say, and just walk out! Nothing's written in stone here, no need to panic. If I do anything, I think I'll just get some kind of facial. My husband's saying, "Make sure they don't make you a Stepford Wife." Oh gee thanks for the reminder. I'll see how I feel in the morning, maybe I'll cancel.

Tuesday, May 8th 7:30pm: While waiting for American Idol to come on, my husband Jordan busts a gut laughing when I tell him I described myself as a "young hippie." You should have seem my darling husband yelling out hysterically, "Young hippie? YOUNG  hippie? Boy they're gonna be surprised when you walk in the door! HA HA HA HA!" Thanks, hon. How does that expression go? With friends like you...I need a boyfriend!

Wednesday, May 9th, morning of appointment: I haven't cancelled. Do you think I should? Don't you think there's no harm in exploring my options? My daughter asked, "Are you going to look all weird after?" I tried to explain that I don't know, I don't know what I'm going to get. We talked about how people look severely messed up after they get actual face-lifts. I say no matter what, I fer sher won't look that bad.

1:30pm: Holy Crappola, I'm actually here. Receptionist says Doc will give me a tour of the office before we "get started." Was a good parking situation, dark. Quiet, two-story building. Not too many people around. Old-school barber shop downstairs. Definitely off the Hollywood it-list radar here. Good. Waiting room is modest but clean. Oh wow. A lady just emerged from an office holding a little ice pack on her face. I'm trying to pretend I have some medical reason for being here. I'm radiating "rash".  
Every one here is nice, but I'm not witty and chatty like I was on the phone yesterday, I'm actually nauseous. My hands are sweaty. Crap. I shoulda called Mr. Plumber-man and made him swear on a stack of bibles Jennifer Anniston really was here at this doctor's. There's a space on the patient form that asks, "Is there anything else we should know before we begin treating you?" I write down, "I'm a nervous nelly." Oh no here comes the Doc. Oh god. Wish me luck. Good-bye friends. I'll write after! 

I'm watching Music and Lyrics right now, have you seen it? The 80's video at the beginning was dead-on, it really had me laughing. That's the good news. Bad news? That's the last time I laughed during the movie.

But Paris...I don't know. As much as I think she deserves to do her jail time, and was incensed when they sent her to finish her sentence at her plush 4-bedroom Hollywood Hills pad, I don't think she should have been sent back to jail. It's not her fault the system let her go, for whatever reason. It's not her fault they said "yes" to her lawyers trumped up "medical conditions" or whatever the ruse was. 

Anyway, it's 11:40pm and I have to get back to my unfunny movie.

xoxoxoxo, Martha

You know it's funny, when the news broke that Rosie would be leaving The View, the idea floated through my mind that it would be a great job for me, and maybe  I should try to get a meeting at ABC. Then my husband stumbled on this thread on a Google group-I couldn't believe it!!!

I copied it over, but deleted the e-mail addresses 'cause I don't have the author's permission or anything.

You know who should replace Rosie? Martha Quinn!

Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv
From:
Date: 31 May 2007 10:12:27 -0700
Local: Thurs, May 31 2007 10:12 am
Subject: You know who should replace Rosie? Martha Quinn!

She'd be great, dammit!

Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv
From:
Date: Thu, 31 May 2007 18:09:19 GMT
Local: Thurs, May 31 2007 11:09 am
Subject: Re: You know who should replace Rosie? Martha Quinn!
> She'd be great, dammit!

No disagreement with Martha Quinn.
But I wonder if she (or Kathy Griffin for that matter) would be willing to
leave Southern California and take up residence in New York.
Judging by today's edition of "The View" it is starting to look more like
Whoopi Goldberg has the inside track.
Did anyone else notice she was in the 'moderator's chair' and on at least
one occasion she did the 'toss' to a commercial break? IMO she is testing
for the part to not only see what ABC (and BW) think - but does Whoppi like
it. I suspect many were surprised that she claims she is not a liberal
democrat.
I am withholding judgment. But I would bet a few pesos that Whoopi will
become the new moderator. Doesn't exactly make me say "Oh, wow!"

Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv
From:
Date: Thu, 31 May 2007 19:57:59 -0400
Local: Thurs, May 31 2007 4:57 pm
Subject: Re: You know who should replace Rosie? Martha Quinn!

> She'd be great, dammit!

AMEN, BROTHER!!! 

Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv
From:

> She'd be great, dammit! 

Martha's been home with the hubby & kids the last few years, virtually
retired from show biz, but this would be a great comeback vehicle for
her. She'd be the anti-Rosie, easily.
Wikipedia says she has gig on satellite radio. Naturally, the usual
caveats apply to any information from that source.

Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv
From:
>Wikipedia says she has gig on satellite radio. Naturally, the usual
caveats apply to any information from that source.

She does have a gig on there. You can see the various people covering
the 80s on this page from Sirius:
http://www.sirius.com/servlet/ContentServer?pagename=Sirius/CachedPag...

Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv
From: Date: Thu, 31 May 2007 21:19:30 -0700
Local: Thurs, May 31 2007 9:19 pm
Subject: Re: You know who should replace Rosie? Martha Quinn!

Not only that, but Nina Blackwood, Mark Goodman, & Alan Hunter all
have similar gigs there. Too bad it's not syndicated.


Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv
From: Date: Fri, 1 Jun 2007 11:38:08 -0400
Local: Fri, Jun 1 2007 8:38 am
Subject: Re: You know who should replace Rosie? Martha Quinn!
 
> She'd be great, dammit!

Good choice.  She always seemed like a genuinely nice person who is very well
known to much of The View's audience.

This thread made me feel like a million bucks. Thank you all, whoever you are out there in the world! Your words did not go unheard! In fact, I got so caught up in the excitement, I started racking my brains to see if I could come up with someone I might know at ABC! 

Then I thought, "I'll do a poll, ask my 80's compadres what they think!" And if it seems that you all judge it to be a decent idea, and Whoopi doesn't have the job locked up, maybe I'll see if I can get an interview. God, that'll be just GREAT for my Social Phobia-should flatten me for weeks!!!

xoxoxoxoxo, Martha