So Jennifer Lopez has declared that "You read and decide what's best" for kids, and she's come to the conclusion that what's best for these twins that she went through tons of IVF treatments for... is formula. That's funny, even the formula companies say, "breast is best." What the hell is she reading? What's the next chapter in this book she's been basing her decisions on, "A Smoke A Day Keeps The Doctor Away???" 

One day I’m gonna write a book called “Believe Me You Don’t Want to Bottle-Feed” and I’m gonna dedicate it to J-Lo. And I'm not going to yammer on about how breastfed babies have less ear infections, hospital admissions, rashes, allergies, and higher IQ’s. I won't even mention breastfeeding moms have significantly less chance of getting post-partum depression and rheumatoid arthritis.

I’m going to talk about what a giant pain it is to bottle feed. Believe me I know, I’ve done both. I'll share with readers how, at night, bottle feeding moms  have to get up, get out of bed, go to the kitchen,  get the bottle ready, warm it up, and bring it back to the kid who by now is near hysterical. All this instead of just (pop) you’re docked and ready to go.

Whenever you leave the house, you’ve got to bring tons of bottles and nipples (in addition your own),  containers of formula, and some people even like to bring portable bottle warmers to plug into the car lighters. If you use powdered formula, then you have to bring all that crappola but now add to it a bunch of bottled water. 

If you're traveling out of town, pack all the bottles, nipples, formula, and now stuff into your suitcase bottle brushes, dishwashing liquid, a big bowl for washing the bottles cause hotel sinks are gross, the bottle drying rack, and oh yeah, a warmer that plugs into a socket.  If you’re pumping, add to the previous list your pump, tubing, breast suction cups, the little valves, bottles, a cooler, and lots of zip-loc baggies to run around the hotel and find the ice machines with.

If you’re on a plane you have to pray you don’t get delayed beyond what you have formula for or you'll have a screaming kid and a plane-full of dirty looks. What if there’s an earthquake or some other natural disaster? Better have weeks of extra formula stashed away or you’ll be the first one throwing a rock through the nearest grocery store window.

When you’re nursing it’s just, “You bring the diaper bag, I’ll bring the breasts, let’s go.” Plane delays? No problem, I've got my secret weapons. Natural disaster? Ready-made emergency kit right here in my t-shirt. And guess what, it's already warmed up and sterilized.

Gotta go, kid just came in and said, "Mom I'm hungry."  

I really hope you all enjoy this week's show with Brent Spiner, the actor who played the android Data on Star Trek: The Next Generation. He's hilarious, and I recruited a Trekkie from an e-mail, and I have my college buddy, Hugh Fink (creator of SNL's Hollywood Minute with David Spade, and later Spade's Comedy Central show) to give an analysis of who's higher on the celebrity food chain: Martha Quinn original MTV VJ, or Brent Spiner aka Data. It's pretty funny. Hugh has the best line of the hour when he asks, "Who doesn't love Re-Run?" I don't know why but it cracks me up every time I hear it.  xoxoxoxo, Martha